Considering the recipe for kombucha is about as old as Jesus, it comes as no surprise when a stench resembling the bottle return center comes drifting out from beneath the cap of this sour, fermented tea. Yes, it's tea, but with a twist. This organic drink contains live bacteria that help to promote a strong immune system as well as aid dietary function. In fact, kombucha really appears to live up to its reputation as a “wonder drink.” Unfortunately for those who have fallen deeply in love with the stuff, the swift removal of most brews from shelves has left a hole in the hearts of many kombucha drinkers.
The tea was pulled due to suspicions that its alcohol content may rise above a half-percent ABV (alcohol by volume)—the limit for beverages to be deemed non-alcoholic—and the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, in collaboration with the FDA, is running an inquiry into this claim. For many brewers, this has meant a complete halt in business unless they’re willing to sacrifice quality and give way to pasteurization, a technique that ensures the drink stays below the legal limit. For many drinkers of non-pasteurized kombucha—“purists”—this means the hunt is on.
Whether or not kombucha can be placed in the same category as beer and wine is uncertain, though the invention of Booch Light could be on the horizon. The nature of fermentation is tricky, and with a thousand different home-brews up for grabs, it’s hard to believe that every last bottle has been left to ferment for the perfect length of time.
Stores still carry kombucha in small quantities, including Kombucha Wonder Drink, which is brewed in Portland and became incredibly popular before the recall. However, the tea is now pasteurized and the aforementioned “purists” surely won’t abide it. Those drinkers who aren’t purists, though, don’t seem to mind in the least. “People are kombucha crazy!” says Emma Buckley of The Kiva grocery. “When we didn’t have it I had to field the question about twenty times a day; where is it? Why don’t you have it?”
A scan of the UNFI website—a major distributor—shows that GT, a popular brand of kombucha, has halted all manufacturing for the time being, and plans to soon release a tea with a much higher alcohol content. This product—code named AP5—will of course only be available to buyers who are over 21. As for many of the other brands mentioned on the site, it appears that they are simply giving way to the “reformulation” by installing new machinery and diluting their product. With the most recent update on the UNFI website, the text simply reads: “Demand continues to exceed the supply.”
Most drinkers whom I know describe the entire situation as “a bummer,” but forums and blogs frequented by die-hard fans hold a much stronger reaction: “I NEED mah fuckin booch!!!!!!” etc. Many other forum users ponder the reasons for the drink’s recall: “[Kombucha] was banned ages ago because mushrooms started growing in people’s stomachs.” As the list piles higher, the theories become more and more absurd, and some even go so far as to blame the ban on celebrities: “Oh my god, you're not going to believe it....It's all that bitch Lindsey Lohan's fault.”
Those forum users with different attitudes, however, discuss more than just their chagrin over the ban. “Is kombucha safe if I’m nursing?” “Does [kombucha] put my sobriety at risk?” and similar, valid concerns are often to be found among the babblings of booch conspiracy theorists.
Is kombucha truly the “wonder drink” to be hailed by all as a gift from Mother Nature? Or is it simply another thing that beer snobs will one day find pleasure in? The proof will be in the pudding (or in this case the beverage) when the FDA gets completely through with its inquiry. For now, I guess all the avid booch lovers out there will have to search far and wide for their fix of this amber colored, sour beer scented, “healthy”-as-can-be fermented tea.
[EW Chow! Restaurant Guide 9/16]
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